A Slipperly Slope

Tonight...

Tonight I write to you as someone who is naked. As someone who does not have things figured out and has her own problems. Because that's who we all are. We all get knocked down when we are sure of ourselves, we get taught lessons right when we think we know it all, and we get a reality check when we get lost in our dreams.

Tonight I feel defeated, and I'm not sure why. I feel like a hypocrite. I know I am just as inconsistent in my beliefs as everyone is. I know that I do not always practice what I preach, which includes being open minded, being educated before you talk, being consistent, being nonjudgmental. I judge others for judging all the time, that makes me no better.

Tonight I learned there is a difference between education and desensitization, which I think is a very important thing to learn.

Tonight I was reminded that there is always so much we do not know, and there is always so much more for us to learn.

I believe so strongly, and it makes me crazy. How can anyone believe so strongly when we all have so little proof.

I've always been so upset because throughout my life I have been there but not done that: I've been in situations, but I haven't really done anything bad. I have been tested, I've said no, I've tried things, and never had to try them again. But no one seems to respect that. People always want to hear about the people who said yes, who were overtaken by something and then won out in the end. Well tonight I realized that yes, it has taken a lot of guts for me to not go along with the crowd, but I have gained a lot of respect for people who have had to overcome a weakness. It is a slippery slope for anyone to get addicted. It could happen to anyone of us, and has happened to a lot of us. But we can overcome it, it's not easy, and it is something to celebrate, to be proud of, to recognize.

I guess what I'm saying is tonight I realized as hard as it was for me to say no, it is much harder to say yes over and over again until your not even the one making the choice anymore, and then to once again take control of your body and not turn back...

I know lots and lots of people who have had an addiction, and I am so proud, and relieved, of those who have beat it, and I will give endless support to those still fighting.