Tired

I can't take life right now. I'm tired of being depressed, and I'm tired of being angry. I wish I could just learn to let things go that are out of my control, but I just can't. Too many wrong, corrupt things are going on constantly around me and I feel like I can't sit back and do nothing! Even though I am pretty helpless anyway.



I'm having quite the identity crisis. I never fit anywhere. I feel as if I'm not black, white, or gray. I 'm in the middle on everything! so I don't have a place. I feel like it's ignorant to be really religious, but I can't quite get the words "I'm not religious" out of my mouth. I'm not a girlie girl, but apparently I wear to much make-up to fit in with the other kinds of girls. I could go on and on with every area of my life, stupid and important. It's like two constricting clashing forces are living inside my body making me live with constant cognitive dissidence. Nobody knows me and it kills me. I can't stand people who don't like me for no reason because it is completely out of my control. I feel as if I come of as confident on the outside, so I must be intimidating, but I don't have the real self-confidence inside me to back up the response people give me. Just everything I know and believe is not for sure. I can talk myself into a new angle of one situation constantly and I always change my mind. I'm saying a whole lot of thins that are not organized whatsoever and probably make no sense to anyone else. I'm too passionate for someone who struggles to have concrete beliefs. I've found that the best way to be invisible is to not act invisible at all. When you smile and talk a lot, nobody realizes what your hiding. Only the sad person in the corner, is the one who will truly get that attention. Ugh, this probably doesn't make sense.
In the end: Will I ever beat this overwhelming depression?

My first blog!

Ahh! Life is so crazy right now! I am currently going to UCD and majoring in Communication, with a minor in Gender studies. I absoluelty love to learn and am quite enjoying some of the things I am studying right now. I was absolutely going crazy for the last, well I'd like to say few weeks but it's been much longer, about my life. I was having such a hard time picking a major, and just really picking a life! I want to be everything and experience everything and it was really stressing me out. But I have decided to take things one class at a time and see how that works out. I have recently gotten a job at a catering business with my mom and I am really looking forward to it! I get to work with the elite at beautiful parties! So I guess I'll keep you updated as I get more involved. I'm planning to move out very soon but for now I am enjoying the last few months of my home. I am also trying to let that go. I know it is silly to be so attached to a house, but I fear I will not have this at home feeling in a house for a very long time once I leave. Well for my first blog I guess I've gotten the basics and I will write more when I figure this whole site out! lol.

Love, Care