When I was young I thought I had to find myself. And I was completely over my head! Where do I even look!? What if I don't fit into a category? But then I came across a quote at about 13,
"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself." I was really comforted by this.
Lately I have really felt the weight of what this means. I mean, what a gift! I realized how important it is to invest in ourselves! Everything we do, and learn becomes part of who we are in the bigger picture. Even days we don't remember will always stay with us from the wrinkles on our face, to the core of our sense on self.
I am super excited about this because as far as I can figure, life is about 1) created yourself to be the best person you can be, and 2) creating and maintaining relationships, friendships.
"Human beings are unfinished creatures with the ability to recreate themselves continuously, adapting to the ebb and flow of life's happenstances and contingencies." Swartz
This quote really made me realize why I am so interested in Philosophy! Philosophy to me (with the help of Socrates) is discussing everything in life, not to win or to look intelligent, but for the love of wisdom. Every time I discuss my beliefs or make claims about the world with someone they can always poke holes in them. All of our beliefs have things in them that don't make sense and we can't explain. We can do two things when someone shows us the flaws of our belief system. We can be ignorant idiots, get our feelings hurt, and walk away. Or we can alter or beliefs each time making them stronger and getting closer to Truth. Partaking in Philosophy, discussing with others', is my favorite thing to do in creating myself. Where some will pick up their beliefs casual and stick to them dogmatically, I will continue to grow.
Pretty Awesome...
About Me
- Care
- I am a lot of things, sometimes it drives me insane,and I think too much, but at the end of the day I am happy with who I am. I spend most of my time trying to understand this life, creating the person I would like to be, and learning. I always appreciate the little things, and I try to be better than, and to make better, the bad things.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Just a rant about humanity
Small thing first: Today I found this pregnancy book in my grandma's basement from the 1950's. It was hilarious! Man I'm glad I didn't grow up when we were so clueless about medicine.
This blog is purely for me to bitch about my lack of respect for humanity..So I apologize. lol.
This earth is beautiful..Sunsets, rain, mountains, beaches, clouds, trees, seasons, Just everything surrounding us is amazing... SO why the hell are people so stupid! What is wrong with us!
Can anyone do this life right? I don't even have a clue what right is, but I sure as hell know what wrong is! At what age do we give up on our dreams, marry some loser because we think we should be married, have kids before we have the slightest idea of what parenting is, royally screw all our kids up, get divorced or wish we were by 40 or 50, then grow old in a house filled with crap until we lose all our dignity with diseases and problems that most of the time come from ways we acted when we were young. I have little hope, Show me one adult who isn't completely miserable who is over 50, and it will be the first one I've ever seen.
There is a small part of me that wants to make some of those mistakes people do when they are young. But most of me screams "You don't have to make those mistakes!" There have been tons and tons of people that have made these mistakes and we have seen them play out in their life. We see the same kids who drank every night of college turn into alcoholics who hate there lives, or have endless physical problems from it. We have seen those women who got married when they were too young, or too quickly, and end up old, lonely, and resentful.
And stuff! Let's all light a match! Stuff will only hurt you as a person, in your relationships, in the back of your head!
Last rant: Why do we all poison our bodies! We have these amazing perfect bodies, and when you really start studying them, you realize just how amazing every little function it does is! Then we fill them with junk! Pop, Alcohol, drugs, sugar! Soda Pop..seriously? I know it has been normalized by our society to drink it because they have crammed ads into our world for so long, but really? You are drinking dirty caffeinated sugar water. They make tons of this unhealthy crap and we pay 2 dollars a bottle to poison ourselves? Something is seriously wrong with how we treat ourselves.
So basically I am disappointed. I'm disappointed that I have no one to look up to, I'm disappointed that none of us respect ourselves, I'm disappointed that adults are all stupid hypocrites who never mature or grow up, I'm disappointed that no one thinks about the future when they drink, get married, or have children, I'm mostly disappointed that I have no idea how to do it right...
This blog is purely for me to bitch about my lack of respect for humanity..So I apologize. lol.
This earth is beautiful..Sunsets, rain, mountains, beaches, clouds, trees, seasons, Just everything surrounding us is amazing... SO why the hell are people so stupid! What is wrong with us!
Can anyone do this life right? I don't even have a clue what right is, but I sure as hell know what wrong is! At what age do we give up on our dreams, marry some loser because we think we should be married, have kids before we have the slightest idea of what parenting is, royally screw all our kids up, get divorced or wish we were by 40 or 50, then grow old in a house filled with crap until we lose all our dignity with diseases and problems that most of the time come from ways we acted when we were young. I have little hope, Show me one adult who isn't completely miserable who is over 50, and it will be the first one I've ever seen.
There is a small part of me that wants to make some of those mistakes people do when they are young. But most of me screams "You don't have to make those mistakes!" There have been tons and tons of people that have made these mistakes and we have seen them play out in their life. We see the same kids who drank every night of college turn into alcoholics who hate there lives, or have endless physical problems from it. We have seen those women who got married when they were too young, or too quickly, and end up old, lonely, and resentful.
And stuff! Let's all light a match! Stuff will only hurt you as a person, in your relationships, in the back of your head!
Last rant: Why do we all poison our bodies! We have these amazing perfect bodies, and when you really start studying them, you realize just how amazing every little function it does is! Then we fill them with junk! Pop, Alcohol, drugs, sugar! Soda Pop..seriously? I know it has been normalized by our society to drink it because they have crammed ads into our world for so long, but really? You are drinking dirty caffeinated sugar water. They make tons of this unhealthy crap and we pay 2 dollars a bottle to poison ourselves? Something is seriously wrong with how we treat ourselves.
So basically I am disappointed. I'm disappointed that I have no one to look up to, I'm disappointed that none of us respect ourselves, I'm disappointed that adults are all stupid hypocrites who never mature or grow up, I'm disappointed that no one thinks about the future when they drink, get married, or have children, I'm mostly disappointed that I have no idea how to do it right...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Right now and one day at a time
My whole life I have wanted to be somewhere and someone else. This following poem puts it very nicely.
Forgot to Live
First I was dying to finish college and to start working.
Then I was dying to get married to have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow up
so that I could go back to work.
And then I was dying to retire so that I might finally do
all the things I had always wanted to do.
And now I am retired and I am dying...
and suddenly I realize that I forgot to live.
I realized why this is recently, which I think is a good step towards changing it. Which is a necessity! I have always had so many different sides and dimensions. Each part of me wants to be something different then the other parts. I mean we all have different sides of ourselves. We know this when we ask ourselves "What the heck are you doing?" or "This is not a good idea." Obviously there's another side of us who can step back and reflect. I just can't stand that mine are so conflicting. So when one part of me is chasing after a dream, there is always a part of me that is missing what we could be doing. So I am not sure how to go about collecting myself as one whole with one dream. Until I do that I will never be completely happy. This part may sound crazy. But I also realized something else that really helped ease my mind.
I realized how important the NOW is! "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" says we think about two things. Things that happened in the past. We re-live things all over again. We make ourselves upset and frustrated and just sick thinking about things that have already happened and we have no control over now. Also we think about the future, and what needs to be happen so we "will" be happy. Why can't we just live in the now. Especially when the now is the future we said would make us happy in the past! It's just crazy!
I'm going to just close my eyes and be thankful for right now. Right now I am warm, comfortable, safe, have a full stomach, am totally healthy, and I have a body that works perfectly... There is plenty to be happy about right now! So I am making myself a promise right now, I am going to stop thinking about the past, let it all go, and not let it affect how I treat anyone today. That way others have a fresh start in my life as well. It's not fair for us to continually judge others for one mistake or event. I would not want that, I make plenty of mistakes. Also I am going to plan my future, but I am not going to obsess about it, or long for it, like I do now. To be honest, I do not want to spend my whole life looking for something else and miss out on the now. Because sometime in the future, I am going to want to be 20 years old again, and I won't be able to. There is magic at every age and in every stage of life. I am going to appreciate every step of he way right where I am.
To sum up, here are the things I am working on:
1. Simplifying my life, every part of it! Reducing my material possessions, even cleaning out my email.
2. Getting one big goal to make my whole self happy.
3. Living right now and one day at a time.
Daily Concern: I always struggle with this. Many philosophers say you need to realize what is out of your control because you will never be happy or content if you try to change others and other things. And I am starting to realize this is true. But I just care too damn much! This strong passionate side of me says if no one tries or has tried to make the world a better place, then where would we be? So I want the peace that comes with just controlling yourself, but I don't want to give up on the world when so much is wrong!
Last note I swear! 'Come to Me' by Amy Bloom is very well written and fun to read. To me it was telling its' audience that love has many dimensions and to not look at relationships outside of the norm as wrong. But what do I know, read it yourself. It goes fast!
Love ~Care~
Forgot to Live
First I was dying to finish college and to start working.
Then I was dying to get married to have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow up
so that I could go back to work.
And then I was dying to retire so that I might finally do
all the things I had always wanted to do.
And now I am retired and I am dying...
and suddenly I realize that I forgot to live.
I realized why this is recently, which I think is a good step towards changing it. Which is a necessity! I have always had so many different sides and dimensions. Each part of me wants to be something different then the other parts. I mean we all have different sides of ourselves. We know this when we ask ourselves "What the heck are you doing?" or "This is not a good idea." Obviously there's another side of us who can step back and reflect. I just can't stand that mine are so conflicting. So when one part of me is chasing after a dream, there is always a part of me that is missing what we could be doing. So I am not sure how to go about collecting myself as one whole with one dream. Until I do that I will never be completely happy. This part may sound crazy. But I also realized something else that really helped ease my mind.
I realized how important the NOW is! "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" says we think about two things. Things that happened in the past. We re-live things all over again. We make ourselves upset and frustrated and just sick thinking about things that have already happened and we have no control over now. Also we think about the future, and what needs to be happen so we "will" be happy. Why can't we just live in the now. Especially when the now is the future we said would make us happy in the past! It's just crazy!
I'm going to just close my eyes and be thankful for right now. Right now I am warm, comfortable, safe, have a full stomach, am totally healthy, and I have a body that works perfectly... There is plenty to be happy about right now! So I am making myself a promise right now, I am going to stop thinking about the past, let it all go, and not let it affect how I treat anyone today. That way others have a fresh start in my life as well. It's not fair for us to continually judge others for one mistake or event. I would not want that, I make plenty of mistakes. Also I am going to plan my future, but I am not going to obsess about it, or long for it, like I do now. To be honest, I do not want to spend my whole life looking for something else and miss out on the now. Because sometime in the future, I am going to want to be 20 years old again, and I won't be able to. There is magic at every age and in every stage of life. I am going to appreciate every step of he way right where I am.
To sum up, here are the things I am working on:
1. Simplifying my life, every part of it! Reducing my material possessions, even cleaning out my email.
2. Getting one big goal to make my whole self happy.
3. Living right now and one day at a time.
Daily Concern: I always struggle with this. Many philosophers say you need to realize what is out of your control because you will never be happy or content if you try to change others and other things. And I am starting to realize this is true. But I just care too damn much! This strong passionate side of me says if no one tries or has tried to make the world a better place, then where would we be? So I want the peace that comes with just controlling yourself, but I don't want to give up on the world when so much is wrong!
Last note I swear! 'Come to Me' by Amy Bloom is very well written and fun to read. To me it was telling its' audience that love has many dimensions and to not look at relationships outside of the norm as wrong. But what do I know, read it yourself. It goes fast!
Love ~Care~
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Old Friends
Ahh! I love old friends, they are so much fun! No matter if you talk to them once a day, once a week, or once a year, they will always hold a part of you that none of your new friends will ever know. It's amazing really how many people hold a part of us, and how we hold a part of other people. We all end up with so many people affecting our lives and shaping who we are, and we will never know how many lives we have affected. It makes me try to always be aware of what I am doing. Just giving a smile to a stranger can often brighten their day. I know there are people who have affected my life that do not know I exist. Like strangers who do random acts of kindness and restore my faith in humanity, or that girl in Biology class who was so cute she influenced the way I began to dress. Sometimes I think people are ridiculous and just evil. But not today. Today I realize none of us are all that different, and you will never know whose life you could be thrown into next.
I'm almost done with a book I started just today. Some short stories by Amy Bloom. I'll write about it when I am finished. lol.
Daily Concern: I am really conflicted about getting a tattoo, I've gone back and forth for 3 years. I should just make a decision and be happy with it! The young exciting side of me says go for it! The mature and future-aware side of me says, you change your mind everyday, what r u going to think when you are 80!?
Love ~Care~
I'm almost done with a book I started just today. Some short stories by Amy Bloom. I'll write about it when I am finished. lol.
Daily Concern: I am really conflicted about getting a tattoo, I've gone back and forth for 3 years. I should just make a decision and be happy with it! The young exciting side of me says go for it! The mature and future-aware side of me says, you change your mind everyday, what r u going to think when you are 80!?
Love ~Care~
Friday, January 8, 2010
That darn sport!
So, I am pretty sure snowboarding is the absolute, without a doubt, most horribly miserable thing I have ever done. Yet, surprisingly, I had a lot of fun. I'm not sure who won, me or the mountain. I'm pretty sore, but I made that mountain my biotch a time or two. I totally mastered the bunny hill, but why do they gotta call it that? I feel like a little wimp. They should call it the killer rabbit slope, or something more awesome. I really think it was good to challenge myself. I realized I'm never going to be proud of anything I accomplish unless I have to work for it. Things that come easy don't make you a stronger person, and I always seem to quit things that don't. So, I'm going stick this out until I get better.
I talked to just the most adorable girl and she gave me some amazing new reading ideas. So I have added them on to my very long and never ending book list, then I moved them to the top. So I am very excited to dig in!
I am on this new mission to simplify my life. It's super difficult but I am ready. I'm tired of being tied down with stuff. I want to be able to just get up and go if I suddenly want to live somewhere else. I'm almost ready to go adventure and find myself, but I have to get everything together here first so I don't have to worry about anything.
Daily Concern: Watching 3 year olds whiz by me on the slopes today, well first it was adorable and a little ego stripping, but second it made me want to make my kids awesome at everything when they are little. What an advantage to learn things when your spongy and fearless. I wonder if this will make my kids grow up and blame me for controlling there life, or trying to live through them. Huh...
small thought: Living with someone made me realize I'm that darn apple right next to the tree! I do everything like my parents...freaky!
Love Care
I talked to just the most adorable girl and she gave me some amazing new reading ideas. So I have added them on to my very long and never ending book list, then I moved them to the top. So I am very excited to dig in!
I am on this new mission to simplify my life. It's super difficult but I am ready. I'm tired of being tied down with stuff. I want to be able to just get up and go if I suddenly want to live somewhere else. I'm almost ready to go adventure and find myself, but I have to get everything together here first so I don't have to worry about anything.
Daily Concern: Watching 3 year olds whiz by me on the slopes today, well first it was adorable and a little ego stripping, but second it made me want to make my kids awesome at everything when they are little. What an advantage to learn things when your spongy and fearless. I wonder if this will make my kids grow up and blame me for controlling there life, or trying to live through them. Huh...
small thought: Living with someone made me realize I'm that darn apple right next to the tree! I do everything like my parents...freaky!
Love Care
Thursday, January 7, 2010
New craft!
Dun dun na na na na na Blog time!!
So there is this store, it's my most favorite store in the world, Archivers, and there is a whole half of the store that I never really ventured into. But recently I have, and it opened up a whole new world for me! stamping, embossing....yup, Cardmaking! I absolutely love doing it, but there is a slight problem, the only two real occasions to make cards is Christmas and Thank you cards. Really who wouldn't think I was crazy if I sent out "Spring is here" cards, or "Hope you are having an excellent January" cards. So for now I will continue to practice making Christmas cards that I can't send out for another year. lol.
Going snowboarding tomorrow! Getting ready to be super sore for the rest of the weekend!
Concern of the day: Should we decide who gets to breed anymore? There should be like a mental and physical health test people should have to take before they are allowed to have children. But than again who gets to decide who is metally healthy? There is a fine line between crazy and genius!
Love ~care~
So there is this store, it's my most favorite store in the world, Archivers, and there is a whole half of the store that I never really ventured into. But recently I have, and it opened up a whole new world for me! stamping, embossing....yup, Cardmaking! I absolutely love doing it, but there is a slight problem, the only two real occasions to make cards is Christmas and Thank you cards. Really who wouldn't think I was crazy if I sent out "Spring is here" cards, or "Hope you are having an excellent January" cards. So for now I will continue to practice making Christmas cards that I can't send out for another year. lol.
Going snowboarding tomorrow! Getting ready to be super sore for the rest of the weekend!
Concern of the day: Should we decide who gets to breed anymore? There should be like a mental and physical health test people should have to take before they are allowed to have children. But than again who gets to decide who is metally healthy? There is a fine line between crazy and genius!
Love ~care~
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
hmm..
SO, I love the idea of blogging, but what to talk about? My ridiculously uneventful day, or my insanely uneventful life? lol. I can't wait until I can travel again because then maybe I'll have something to write about where I feel like I wouldn't be wasting people's days if they read it. Anyway I guess for now I'll write about books I'm reading and interesting topics in class. And I guess it really doesn't matter because I have no readers. haha. Anywho off to master expert on Rock Band! I'm so proud of myself! I never thought I'd be able to!
Love Care~
Love Care~
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