I need a bigger plate.

Hello,

So book #4= Summers Crossing by Truman Capote because I was told "every girl needs a little Capote."

To be honest I don't have much to say about this book, and I did come to find out it was never meant to be published in the first place. But what I really wanted to comment on was the author. It seems there are those who live a life of suffering and restlessness to bring the rest of the world entertainment. These people are called artists. The best kind of art comes from a terribly sad and complicated soul. Does it have to be this way? I always wanted to be able to call myself an artist, but is it worth so much pain? Maybe the more rewarding life is the one where you smile because you can, don't over think things, and just appreciate the art. I seem to be right on that line of artist and appreciator. It's a perplexing place to be.

Anyway, life.... I just have no idea what to do with it? Oh boy here comes the over thinking again. I wonder if we knew what came after life if we would treat life more preciously, or if we would do less with it. "Well Carrie, I suppose that would depend on the answer." Should we constantly put ourselves in unfamiliar uncomfortable situations and learn, or can we just live simple and comfortably? I feel like both options leave you with regrets. Here I go again wanted to do it all.

Life seems overwhelming today, I feel an immense pressure to make all the right choices, and make them right now. I know it sounds just so silly. Anyway I'm going to try and take it an hour at a time, because a day just won't fit on my plate.

(Should I transfer colleges? Where should I study abroad? Do I have the right major? What do I want to do? Will I even be able to get through college? Should I live somewhere else? What does it mean to be 20? Am I taking advantage of my freedom? Am I using my free time wisely? How can I make everyone happier?)

I'm reading books 5 and 6 at the same time, might take longer to write about them.

Book # 3 in Cali

Hello again. Just got back from California where I had a blast hanging on the beach and going for walks through such interesting neighborhoods. I ate lunch at this place called Lemonade. The strangest experience. Good food but such weird combinations of ingredients.


But while in California I, like I often am, was reminded of how sick people can be. So weak when fighting human desire. Sex, drugs and alcohol crawl into bed with us and take over our body, in time they crawl into our mind and control our lives. Why aren't people better than this? Why do we all try so hard to run away from our own minds, the gift of our own minds! Ok, of coarse not of all us, but a bunch of stangers get together, drink until no one recognizes themselves, akwardness fades, and with it dignity runs out the door, and everyone hooks up, throws up, passes out, and is back the next night.

With this I understand why you would want to scrap humanity and start over. This is where my book comes in. Oryx and Crake by, Margaret Atwood, is a science fiction book about our future world and a person with a vision to scrap huimanity and start over with new, refined people to make a paradise. It was a little drab and not very enjoyable to read, but had a lot of interesting ideas. These new people have been stripped, maybe unsucessfully, of characteristic that the creator finds to be damaging to society. They no longer have sex as a pleasure, it is simply a mating ritual, they have no knowledge or awareness of mortality, no jealousy or envy, and many more, physical changes as well like perfect skin.

In the end, despite all the efforts, it seems maybe it is inevitable for humans to have these things. Because the things that often make us sinful and sick, are also the things that make our world beautiful. These are curiosity and creativety. You cannot take these things out of a human, and would you want to? Isn't it beautiful that we are the only animals that ask where we came from and invent gods to explain it because we are so discontented by the thought? Isn't it beautiful what we can create. What this book meant to me is humans are what we are, we are amazing. But with what we are comes the power to do great, and to do great evil. Bad and Good are a packaged deal. I do not think we could let go of good just to get rid of the bad.


Like always my analyses is my opinion and these books may hit you in a different way.

Done with book #4, will write about it in time.

Love ~Care~

Questions

I find myself talking about life a lot, which I need, crave, and is important for my growth as a person. But it is funny because I find myself always talking to people much older than me. It has really made me realize that we are all the same and none of us know anything more than anyone else. We are all just living life the best we know how and making mistakes left and right, but all we can do is do the best we know how at the time. We can't constantly drive ourselves crazy with thoughts about our past and what we could of done differently. It used to really upset me that no one had any answers, but now I am okay with it. I have accepted the fact that when I am 80 I will still have just as many questions and concerns about life as I do right now. I am excited that even though I will never know, I will continue to explore and question.

It has always been interesting to think about relationships for me, and how feelings change and die. I think this is because we, as people are always changing. I think for a relationship to work, you have to understand you both are always re-establishing your identity, and we have to re-learn who the other person is all the time. Otherwise we stop talking slowly and assume we know them, then one day we wake up and realize we are totally different people then we once were, don't recognize each other, and the love is gone.


Anyway, The big epiphany I learned tonight is although we can kinda learn from other people's mistakes, it doesn't really work that way. We are all different, and different things play out differently for different people. A lifestyle that works for one person, won't work for another. So I am going to stop being afraid to do things that steered someone else wrong, because I am a different person, who wants and needs different things.