Please take it...

There's this part of my heart that I won't give to him. I keep it locked away for myself. I keep it there so I can never be vulnerable, so I can never be hurt, so I will never lose everything at once. I hold on to it so tightly because I refuse to give someone the chance to strip me of everything I am. He can have my joys, my dreams, my time, my attention, but my fears, my past, my faults and weaknesses, these things are mine and mine alone. I want to love him fully, with everything I am, but I don't know how. I'm not even sure why I don't. I trust him. I know he is pure and his love is true, but my fingers are still turning white from holding so tightly to that little piece, and I can't pry them open. That's when I realized my relationship with my fiancé is the same as my relationship with God, and my fear of getting hurt perils in comparison with the possibilities of what I could do if only I gave of myself entirely and let this broken being be totally and completely stripped.

Just living in a snow globe

This morning my puppy bounded noisily off my bed. On a snowy Saturday! Readjusting? I hoped. Just scratching his ears? I prayed. But when he didn't return to his place between my feet I mustered up some courage to peek at him from below the mound of cozy covers. He was sitting patiently by the door starring right back at me, no concept of time, no look of remorse on his sweet face. I grumbled and grabbed my nearest pair of sweats. Convinced that no one on God's good planet would be crazy enough to be up this early I decided to forgo the leash, and let him run free through the courtyard of the apartments. I was delighted to find the most beautiful of mornings. Snow perced carefully on every branch, untouched powdery snow spreading as far as I could see, and a sky so white I could of sworn I was inside a tiny snow globe. Flakes lightly brushed my nose but I did not feel cold, on the contrary I felt lucky, safe, happy to be all alone in this crowded world. My puppy ran ruckus around the fresh snow and buried his face in it time and time again. I giggled, and thanked him for waking me up so early on a Saturday morning, how could I have missed this?