A Moment of Appreciation

Do you ever feel like the rest of the world is crazy? Like I'm talking absolutely nuts! All you want to do is go to your own little place, slam the door shut, and pretend they don't exist. Then...one day, hopefully, if you're lucky, you find someone you can stand for long periods of time. Someone who not only isn't crazy, they make you a little less crazy. Then when you come home and shut the world out they are helping you close the door. Inside your little sanity sanctuary the world is a beautiful place. You laugh together, cry together, and u r happy there.

Lately I've seen a lot of people who have partners that are driving them insane. The person who is supposed to be their best friend, their confidant, their foundation has been put on the other side of that door. First this makes me extremely sad. I never want to come home without anyone to completely let loose with and confide in about the outside world, because without validation it will appear I am the only one who is crazy. Second because I know instead of solving the conflict, or leaving, they will stay gridlocked, at a standstill, some for the rest of their lives. I care about them too much to see either one be so alone.

Second this made me think about the theory of deprivation. This states how deprived we feel is based on our comparison group. Well standing next to some of these couples, I feel like the wealthiest person on earth. There will always be couples who appear to have more figured out, and those that have much less going for them. And there will always be problems in every relationship, some that are really difficult, some we invent, and some we exaggerate. But it is important to always step back, and realize if the love of your life is on the same side of the door as you, then you really have something to be thankful for.

--I am grateful that I do not have to face this world alone.

CHANGE: get used to it

We always seem to think that one day we will fall in love and that's it! The screen will flash black and "happily ever after" will be scribbled across it in pretty cursive and we will live our life forever in that state. But the funny thing about relationships is they are constantly in a dialectical flux. They are constantly changing and cannot be determined or finalized...ever! In fact everything in life is always changing.

Lately you could say I'm experiencing all the dialectical tensions in the book. I have learned all about relationships and could give you tons of theories to capture all of the aspects and complexities, and although I understand them even better now that I'm going through them, they aren't really helping me. Maybe just being able to define the problem quicker will put me ahead, but the answer is still no where to be found.

I am feeling things I have never felt before and cannot explain or control them. It's super frustrating. It has been said multiple times that the artist must give himself over to his emotions and work if he is to ever make something great. Well I don't want to turn my disconsolation into artwork, I don't want to sacrifice my life and happiness to make great works. So why am I still totally controlled by my emotions? Why do they effect everything I am and do? But most importantly why are they there and how do I get rid of these particular ones? Especially if I don't understand them.

Basically I'm starting to see how much a relationship changes constantly, and when I feel I have a grasp on mine, well something new is thrown into the mix. It's making more and more sense why the majority of relationships don't make it. So I don't understand the new things I have to go through, and I can't anticipate what will come tomorrow, but I know love is what will get me through a lifetime of changes within myself and my relationship, and I have plenty of that.

So although we wish we could stay in our head-over-heels-honeymoon phase forever it quickly ends, as do all the phases after that. Life doesn't work that way, and at the risk of beating a dead horse, the only thing that is constant is change. But in the end would we truly want things to stay the same? That would just be boring and take a lot of the fun out of everything. Oh the stability vs. change dialectic, the paradox that will forever leave us tossing and turning.

Only You

How come men can just be painfully unromantic sometimes? It's like failing a test you already have the answers to. They watch the movies with the men saying exactly what we want to hear, is that so difficult to pick up on? I'm sure they call it cheesy and dismiss it, but cheesiness, when sincere, is exactly what we want. Men always seem to think women are so difficult, and we're really not. I argue they are just super unaware of the situation. Don't listen to the words we are saying, that should be easy enough. The hard part is learning the language of the nonverbal. Everyone should be a nonverbal linguist, it would help in every situation with reading men and women, boss's and friends. Anyway, I know movies totally screw up romance, but movies screw up everything in reality. It is not the media that reflects reality, it is reality that often mirrors the media. So make that romance reality. Not the drama, let's have roadblocks, and break up and get back together constantly. I mean saying cute things, leaving notes, and flowers and such. And I mean romance goes both ways. Girls should do equally cute things for their men. Kindness should be universal. My point is I'm not settling for a life without romance and passion, yes the media screws it up, but lets make it real. I know I am lucky and have a lot more romance then most women do, But let's do sweet things for each other all the time without being asked. Let's remind each other what it is like to feel totally in love everyday.