Changing my Lens

I've spent so much of my life wondering and worrying about the pressing issue of my fast approaching future. I couldn't decide what I wanted to be and all my choices sent me into massive decision anxiety. Suddenly I found myself in the doldrums where I refused to move forward in any direction and instead put all my efforts into stopping time. I've suddenly realized I wasn't going about my future in a helpful way. I would beg God to make my heart's deepest desires loud and clear, help me find what I love doing, what I'm good at. Through all of it I kept my future in my own hands, grasping it tightly. It wasn't until these last couple of years when I have truly relinquished complete control over my life that I've made any progress. Lost and tired I finally handed my dreams, goals, fears, and future over to God and said a different prayer; please use my life to make the world a better place. Please help me be the person you created me to be, your will be done with my life. In doing this I realized something, maybe what I am "meant" to do isn't something that will come easy to me, or even something that I love. Maybe I do have a calling but contrary to what I have always believed, it will be hard, it will challenge me everyday and some days I might hate it. Maybe God calls you to do things in life that don't play off your strengths, but instead force you to face and cripple your weaknesses.

~Care