I'm weird... that's pretty much all I can summarize about myself and my experiences. Why am I so distraught about everything. It's silly and such a waste of living. But I'm afraid that if I do not think about everything, and don't make choices, I will also end up wasting life. hmm... Do any of you know what you want to do, What you want to be? I feel like very few of us ever know.
I'm frustrated that I was always told I can do whatever I want to do. That does not help me at all, it just gets me confused. It should not matter what we do right? But it does. Not only do we spend much of our time at our jobs and should enjoy them, we are, whether we like it or not, defined by them. It is so frustrating, but really think about how many things people assume about you when they hear what you do.. .
My new mission..I've looked at many a lists of possible careers, but I am going to go job by job and cross of the things I know for sure I do not want to do.
Anyway, although I've been concerned about life lately, I am happy. Happiness, Ahh, what an interesting phenomenon. People always tell me happiness is a choice, and although I believe that to a point, that depresses me. There are times when you need to change your attitude, there are times when you should probably realize your lack of control of the situation and make the best of it, but most of all there are times when you should change your situation! If you are not happy it is often because we are not where we are meant to be...at least I believe this. If you read my blog you know I am not sure if we create our path, or if God ( or something) lays it out for us. Is there a plan for us? Well I'm not sure still, but either way you can feel when you are not being true to yourself, whether that self was self created or instilled.
I have such a difficult time knowing if our core self--the one deep down that we are much unaware of-- is something we are born with or not. If we are not born with a personality, we could hardly prove it because our personality is already shining through so young.
I'm still having trouble knowing exactly what I believe in. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I have way to much passion for someone without concrete beliefs. So lately I've been listening a lot more. The less you feel the need to respond, the more you really hear what others are saying.
On further news I really am enjoying life right now. Right now...that is exactly what I need to focus on more often. Right now nothing is wrong in my world, all the people I love are safe, all my basic needs are met..I guess this is why I have so much time for self-actualization. lol.
Also I am slowly building my self-esteem up again. It feels nice. I feel about ready to take another stroll outside of my shell, spend some more time with friends. I often get frustrated with people and choose its not worth it to go through all the trouble to hang out with them. But I realize that friendships/relationships are one of the most important things about living. It's also perfect timing to see friends do to the season..so good timing mind!
Anyway there are so many awesome and beautiful things and moments in each day. Like today going for a walk and laughing at my dogs chase prairie dogs, or like right now peacefully listening to the rain. We need to recognize these things. And although bad things are always easy to recognize, we need to recognize when we have the power to change them..and then do it!
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