Will I ever be a Carefree Soul?

I've never really complained about my life. I know everybody goes through things, everybody has a hard life and their own problems. I've always felt I did not have a right to complain or say anything because so many people have it so much harder than me. But I'm starting to realize what I went through was not normal, and most of all it was not right. Much of my childhood was sick and unhealthy, and you know what? I'm not okay. It hurts to remember.

I wonder if I'll ever be okay, the damage is done. Will I be able to be a normal wife? Will I be able to be a good mother? Can I hide all the shit I went through from my children? I would rather not have kids than have them feel an ounce of what I went through. I'm realizing it's okay to know I've had it hard. I don't have to feel guilty for not always being able to hide it, and for hurting from it. It's okay to not always act strong. I used to think it was my fault, and I deserved it, but I realize that I did nothing to deserve it, and had no control over anything that happened. It's hard not having anyone to talk to about these things, but maybe if I let myself feel the pain, really feel it for once instead of pushing it down, well maybe I can let it go for good this time...